Thursday, December 17, 2009

Mom's Birthday, Christmas and time for reflection

So it was mom's birthday, and although I am still not feeling well. Terrible case of viral meningitis, and Kylie has pneumonia- we went down for a couple hours to say hello and acknowledge that this is her day. My mom does so much for my family it is impossible for me to thank her enough. I really couldn't ask for a better mother. Not to discount my dad he does a lot for us as well.

Anyway, we got her the Wii system, my brothers chipped in with my dad to get it for her. She was so excited, she loves the bowling. So after we set it up for her we were on our way. I called to check in on them and to see how they were doing and she was still playing. That is great news I hope she really uses it. It is hard to make my mother as happy as she makes us so if this little gesture can make her smile then it is all worth it.

This time of year is for reflection ... well this year like many hasn't had too much to be happy about. I will start with present time- as the past man I could write a novel.

In January we learned I was pregnant and I couldn't of been more excited to share the news with Mike (hubby) and of course the rest of my family, as this has been my dream for as long as I could remember. To finally meet the man of my dreams and have a ton of children together and live happily ever after. I did in fact find the man of my dreams and married him in 2005. In 2006 we bought our first house together, and in 2007 we had our beautiful baby girl Kylie.

Well the reality of a "ton" of children has turned into two. (after the delivery of Kylie- without drugs). Well this could not have been a more proud moment for us.. everything was going well until we went to have the ultrasound in March. Our world came crumbling down that day as we learned that there was no baby and my body never recognized the loss. So in the hospital I go for a D&E delivery.

Meanwhile I am recovering- Mike is getting ready to graduate the top of his class with his BA from Franklin Pierce. An amazing fete in and of itself. He is living a dream while my step daughter Abby is off to Keene State College and Kylie (my first angel) is in daycare.

Well with several visits back to the Dr. we found this was a terrible fluke- nothing we could of done could of prevented this from happening.

So in May we have the party at our house to celebrate Mike's amazing accomplishment and he sets his plan in motion to fulfill his dream to go to Law school. He wasn't going to take no for an answer from admissions. And so it goes .. no one would say no to Mike either. He did not take a break between his bachelors and going to law school even though his very wise wife told him he really should take a break.... ha ha

So as fathers day rolls around I wanted to really surprise My hubby with some wonderful guessed it -we were again expecting. My dreams are coming true. We are both living out our dreams together?! How amazing. So with nervous excitement the pregnancy goes on. I am so scared and happy that I can't wait to get the ultrasound. Everyone is so happy for us, and for me- knowing that I am having a baby will just fill my heart.

A few months go by, everything is going well and the heartbeat is Strong. My appointment to find out the sex was coming up... I had a later appointment to avoid taking so much time off at work.

Mike, Kylie and I head off for the Dr's. Kylie wants find out if she is going to have a baby brother or sister, she is so excited. She is a little mother herself. As they call my name in the office we go with tremendous excitement and with bated breath. As the baby comes up on the monitor I see that there is no heartbeat, no movement, and again I look to the technician with disbelieve and a heavy heart. Our nightmare has been confirmed, our baby has died. We immediately get whisked away by another Dr. and go through our options. Which I can tell you is so far the most difficult set of decisions I think I have ever had to make. The next day I go back to the hospital to deliver my baby. I chose to be unconscious during the delivery as this was the most humane thing I could do for my baby. I wanted him to come out in one piece and the moment I was told that the force of pushing and delivery could in fact dismember the baby. We had a boy, Justin Michael.

to be continued...

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