Did I say What's next...OMG RSV

Brought Nicklaus to the Dr today, I am starting to feel like I live there!  He now has bronciolitis- the baby version of Bronchitis (which I have) and yup you guessed it it is the other name for RSV!  This is the dreaded virus! 

We have dreaded this moment since his birth- thankfully he does not have it as bad as we have been fearing.  People can think we are crazy and over protective but if you heard him stuggle to breath, wheez, or try to cough - you would understand.  You can actually feel the gurgle down his back.  You know when you have post nasal drip so bad you can hear it in your throat well his chest sounds like that!  So we start the nebulizer treatments, both Pulmacourt and xopenex just like his big sister!  I hope he doesn't suffer with asthma like Kylie does!  I have a funny feeling he needs or will need to be on an antibiotic, I am a little shocked that they didn't put him on one today but I am not a Dr.  I am only a mom!

So we will continue the treatments, pray that he eats and gets better, and watch him to make sure that he does. I know how awful I feel and how exhausting this is, especially when you can't breath so if I am this miserable, I can't imagine how he must be feeling. 

He is still smiling though and boy one look at those dimples, your heart melts!

Little ones and their germs!

Children are so good at sharing.. too bad they are really good at sharing their germs!  You guessed it, I have caught whatever it is my little man has!  I currently have no voice- am exhausted and can't even believe how tired I am ... which would be great if I could sleep!  But that is the problem with this little virus, you are exhausted and can't move and I think the only thing working is my brain cells, they are working away as usual and keeping me awake!

Although Nicklaus wasn't quite himself today, he got to try a little bit of cereal for the first time, once he got past the weird "what do you expect me to do with this" he seemed pretty happy about it-- as you can see my cutie pie taking it all in!
Gerber Cereal, Rice Single Grain with VitaBlocks, 16-Ounce Boxes (Pack of 6)

first time with cereal

And then we topped him off with the bottle- and well a picture is worth 1000 words- he couldn't make it!


Dr. Brown's BPA Free Polypropylene Natural Flow Bottle Newborn Feeding Set


I find the Dr. Brown's bottles the best so far especially if you have a preemie! Not that you can tell by looking at him here.... but yup he was 4 lbs- down to 3'11 hard to believe it now.  Such a fighter I am amazed at him every day.  Here I get a little cold and granted I am miserable, but I almost feel guilty complaining about it.  So I'll keep this short and sweet!  We need to come up with a virus solution.  Or some medicine other then antibiotics that work!  Nick gets the RSV shot once a month and what a great drug for the common cold.  It really lessens the affects of a virus.  I wish they could make that into a pill for grown ups, like zrytec or something.  Wouldn't that be great, you won't have to worry all the time about missing work, spreading germs everywhere and sharing back with our kids... the endless cycle!

New day another issue! RSV Scare!

So it is official, we had our first scare with Nick.  Got the call from daycare, labored breathing, sounds raspy and chest is retracting .  So I call the Dr. and explain the symptoms and they had us rush him to the emergency room.  In a mad dash out the door, frantically I call Mike and fill him in so he can meet me and put mom on alert.  Thank god my folks are back from vacation!  There is nothing more scary I think then an RSV scare with a preemie!  Thankfully he is ok, thank God he qualified for RSV shots once a month, they really help him overcome what could of been a tradgedy.  He is under oberservation with us but I am optimistic that he can get through this  too.  It is very nerve wrecking to worry about this all the time. 

To us RSV is nothing more then the common cold, to an infant it is very serious, to a preemie it could mean death.  When you have a preemie their brochoi tubes are drastically under developed.  They do not have the capacity in their chest to take a breath.  So when the airway is clogged with mucus, nose or mouth they have to work ten times harder to get one breath.  They can't eat because they can't breath and they can't cough because they lack the strengh and power in their lungs to be able to cough. 

Luckily for us we have been fortunate.   Although the rest of us have been sick all winter, Nick has remained healthy.  We have kept him in the comforts of home and under quarentine, driving everyone crazy, but all the while knowing this is why.  We needed to get him stronger and bigger to be able to handle what gets thrown our way.  With the new mix of daycare we have opened up a whole new can of germs.  We are so greatful to have a daycare like we do and a staff that is not only over the top competent they always go the extra mile and have become like family to us.

As I look at Nick sleeping next to me in his swing I thank God that he is here, that he didn't take this angel away from me too!  I am thankful that we had so many people accross the world praying for us!  He is a fighter this kid, for what he has had to overcome already in his short life it is amazing to me how strong he is.

Giving Back and Coping

When we lost Justin at five and a half months a piece of my heart broke in a way that can never be repaired. I tried talking about it but no one really can understand what we were feeling because it is one of those things that if you haven't gone through it you can never understand it.  Losing Justin in under 7 months of a previous miscarriage was not something anyone could understand.  Doctors had no answers to what happened either time- so we chalked it up to my 1% of all things strange and unexplainable that happens to me (no exaggeration- all true keep reading).
My husband and I ran the gammet of emotions, and lucky for us we pulled together instead of apart.  No one was to blame for what happened and we had no answers.  How do you deal with that?  Well I am sure I was not the most pleasant person to be around for awhile, but it was not something I could help or even explain.  No one can say the right thing to you.  You don't want to hear stories of other people and what they went through.  You know you are not alone but you feel like you are drowning and no one can save you.  Just when you think it couldn't get any worse I returned to work which was busier then ever- and thought the stress was just exhausting me- until I was admitted again with a freak case of viral meningitis  (see the 1%).  After my four month recovery (yup I was lucky to be alive)- for something that they don't know how I got it and don't know why it took so long to get better illness, I was at my wits end.
How do we deal with this?  I  know how hard it was for me alone but not everyone around me.  Not knowing what to do I had confided in a friend.  That friend shared with me that I should pray.  Now I am Catholic but lightly practicing, I believe in God but didn't think that it could help ... at first.  I ended up taking her advice and found myself getting better, finding understanding, finding peace.  And that is when we found out we were pregnant again.  What a rollercoaster... and to rupture at 31 weeks.  We never knew what was going to happen. 

Time is up

Well we have come to a close on Nicklaus' time at home.  With bated breath he will be going to daycare this Monday.  Being that it is still RSV season and the fact that he is a preemie, we are concerned and praying that with all the fighting to survive this little one has done so far that he continues on this path of health.  It has been extremely difficult living life with a preemie, one that was as sick as him when he was born.  People do not realize and really can never understand what we have endured not only over the past few years, but the last few months. 

Preemie's are know to have a host of issues, but born sick like Nicklaus, there are a whole host other issues that no one tells you about.  Nothing that we can not get through and nothing that should last forever.  The neurological development in my experience is the hardest.  The developmental stuff is common and they almost always catch up.  What is scary is not knowing what triggers him, what stresses he has, how long it will take to overcome.  We have come a long way.  He has come a long way.

He had his debut today with the Daycare.  He loved all the teachers and overall did very well.  Until he was just done.  Screamed the whole way home and is having screaming bits throughout the day.  Very strange.  I will be so happy when he is over this stage- and have no more worries about how he is going to handle things. 

In the interim we day it one day at a time, and pray for the best!  Everyday is a marked improvement and we are so proud of all his little accomplishments.